March 5, 2007

OHMYGOSH! Last night was very scary. While my mom was washing her face, my nurse started the trach-change procedure. Usually, this is relatively easy, with no hiccups. It's something this nurse can do without any problems. Until last night. In my usual attempt to mix things up a bit, I threw a curve ball that really messed things up. I started coughing and coughing when she pulled the "old" trach tube out. This made the stoma (the hole in my throat) close enough each time I coughed that she couldn't put the new trach tube in. My mom came out of the bathroom just as the nurse was trying to get the new tube in, without any success.

I was trying to breathe, but the goo in my trachea, combined with my coughing was starting to cause spasms. That tube was just not going to go in - at all. Even the smaller "emergency trach" wouldn't have gone in. Plus, my trachea must have collapsed on itself (which is my real problem to begin with, since the trach tube wasn't in there stinting it open).

Mom was starting to get very distressed. She held my head back for me to try to open the hole more while the nurse got the long suction catheter to try to open the hole back up. This went on long enough that I started turning blue. Mom was getting very, very nervous and she was saying, "It's going to be okay, Emma. It's going to be okay. Just breathe." Then she would say to the nurse, "Ohmygosh, what do we do?! What do we do?!" (Talk about a mixed signal!) I know she was praying, too.

I was getting bluer and bluer and my eyes were fixed and finally, the tube went in and the nurse attached the ambu-bag to the trach to pump some air into my lungs. I was scared. Mom was scared. The nurse was scared. It was horrible.

Mom was shaking, and when I started to turn back into my pretty "pink" skin color, she started to relax a little bit. But she was still shaking, and she said, "Emma, I have never seen you that color before. Just breathe. Just relax. Just breathe." (I think she was talking to herself, too.)

Mom felt like she was going to pass out or throw up or something because she hasn't been that scared in a long time. Even when I was doing my "freaky gasping episodes" before I got the tracheostomy, she said I never turned this color blue.

Dad came in and asked what was going on. Mom could barely explain it to him, she was still a bit freaked out.

My color became normal again, and my oxygen level was good. I was soooooo tired, though. I went to sleep and slept well all night. I woke up at 3:45 this morning, though, and I was ready to start my day. I guess when you're that close to the edge, the next morning seems so much more precious! (I sure have gotten a lot of extra kisses in the last 12 hours!)

Thank you, Jesus, for watching over me. The next time my trach-change happens, I bet every possible thing will be within quick reach for any emergency. I'm teaching my family so many things.